new place

Since my landlady passed away, I've been thinking over and over, like 1000x.....my brother's offer to move to his house.....2 days ago finally i decided to say yes to his offer...big decision...tomorrow is actually the big day....so many things to do...haven't done it, but i'm tired already....i have so many small belongings, like books etc....and it kinda freaks me out everytime...so many boxes...should have given them up to charity i guess.....*remind me to do it next*

Plus, i need to buy new wardrobe, cause don't have one....ASAP...got to do it tomorrow...too....plus, i have a date 2morrow....leaving me with big ?.....cause...how the he*l would i do all that properly....in one day...remembering that my bro's house is not exactly next door...aka...lil bit far from my board house now...

I could do it on sunday, alone...but since i depend on my helper....to do all the lifting...then i'll just have to do it 2morrow...no packing yet...guess...i will not sleep tonight....

so...anyone...care to give me a hand????....:p....

someone new (by eskobar)

So is it goodbye?
Is it time to set you free?
Is it time to let it fly?
Is it time to let it bleed?

We used to take turns
To cover up the pain
Deep below it burns
And the fellin' still remains

You're gonna find someone new
I really hope you do
'Cause I love you
And the sun will come on thru,
It's gonna shine for you
'Cause I adore you

Yes we gave it a try
But maybe for too long
Out of every sorrow
Another day will dawn

You're gonna find someone new
I really hope you do
'Cause I love you
And the sun will come on thru,
It's gonna shine for you
'Cause I adore you

And the road travels on
But I'm still near you
In my life, like a song
I will still hear you
Still

Sun will shine for you
'Cause I adore you...

broken

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

‘Cause I’m broken when I'm open
And I don’t feel like i am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonsome
And i don't feel rite when your gone away

You're gone away; You don't feel me here anymore

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away
You're gone away; You don't feel me here anymore.

berita duka

Minggu kemaren....pas hari kemerdekaan Indonesia....Ibu kost gue yang tercinta menghembuskan napas terakhir dirumah sakit....beliau udah lumayan berumur sih, 71 tahun, n sakit tumor di perut. Ceritanya sih, dr beberapa bulan yang lalu udah diops, tapi ternyata sekitar 2minggu yglalu, beliau msk rs lagi krn tumornya udh nyebar kemana2. Sedihnya, mas Ery, anak ibu satu2nya gag bisa balik, cos msh di US...rencana akhir bulan ini baru bisa balik ke Indo.

Sedihnya lagi, itu ngingetin sama waktu nyokap gue gag ada.....udh lama sih....tapi tetep aja....:(....

Udah gitu, kamar gue kan deket bgt sama kamar Bu Riyanto....yang ada gue jd agak2 takut...apalagi buat pulang malem...alhasil, dr hari jumat gue ngabur ke tempat kakak gue n baru balik tadi pagi, mandi, langsung kerja.....benernya sih, gue bukannya takut....gue cuma sedikit gag tahan sama suasana-nya....muram....penuh kesedihan....it's just too much....for me to bear at the moment....tapi ntar sore juga gue musti pulang ke kost....

Tapi, buat kakak gue, kejadian ini justru bikin dia tambah semangat buat maksa2 gue pindah kerumahnya....hal yang sekarang bikin gue pusing....thinking about it over and over again...but still couldn't find the answer, yet.....

sebell

Gue lagi sebel bgt sama seseorang...asli, gue males bgt denger namanya disebut, liat orangnya apalagi....

Tapi, dr kejadian itu, justru gue bisa liat beberapa hal yang sebelumnya gag pernah gue perhatiin....nyadarin gue, kl gue selama ini nutup sebelah mata gue...hal yg seharusnya gag gue lakuin....tp, kadang2 memang we just think with our heart not our head....so, what should i do about it????

weekend

Wiken kmrn....gue janjian sama anak2 sinful faces buat ketemuan bagi2 cd carita....rencana semula sih mo diplangi....tp dian inget kl ada final indon idol....kebayang kan ramenya bakal kayak apaa...jd akhirnya kita mutusin buat ganti venue aja....usul punya usul...akhirnya kita deal buat janjian di pisa kafe yg ada disetiabudi building jam 6sore...which was advantageous to me, cause deket bgt sama ktr and kost gue, alias gue bisa naik ojek aaja kesana.....

Jam 6 kurang gue masih diktr, msh sok busy sibuk telp2an...:p.....sampe Sari sms bil kl udh sampe n sapa aja yg udh disana...hehehe..langsung aja gue cabs sebelum diprotes...ditengah jalan Haris telp nanya arah...sebelah mananya setiabudi plasa...weleh....lieur....sampe sana Sari udh nunggu di deket air mancur...nunggu Haris...akhirnya ber3 nyari tempat....wiken bow...penuh semua....akhirnya kita dapet tempat di Amadeus....sambil nunggu Dian and Babe....kita ngobrol2 dulu deh...sambil gag lupa bernarcist2 ria alias poto2..:p.....sampe ber5 ngumpul2....pengen makan, tp ternyata bambang juga ya bow....gag ikhlas deh kayaknya keluarin duit...hehehe...akhirnya Dian ngusulin buat makan seafood didaerah santa....akhirnya jam 8.30pm, kita cabs....Haris naro motor dikost-an gue....babe balik dng alasan jemput yg "syah"....sumpeee....trus kita ber4 jalan ke santa....dijalan telp Dory yg lagi masuk malem....ehh gag diangkat2 (turned out ada story behind...)....yasuw...makan ber4....ternyata enak bgt....udang, cumi, n ikan bakarnya....yummy bgt...makan jd banyak...gue gag tau, emang krn perut laper bgtt, masakan yg cihuy...ato emang kita yg makannya banyak yah...????....hehhehhe...yg pasti sih cihuy bgt...(gue udh ada rencana buat kesana lagi minggu ini...hehehehhe).....

Cabut dr situ, telp dory lagi, cos tempatnya udh deket sama ktr dory.....untung dia ada...jadilah kita mampir diktr-nya....nongkrong dibawah ditangga depan...tetep ketawa2 sambil photo2....hehehehe.....untung aja gag diusir sama security-nya yg banyak bgt duduk diparkiran....gag berasa udh jam 11 lewat....mata gue udh kabur2 gag puguh, perih pengen nyopot softlense gue.....Sari ma Dian msh napsu juga buat jalan, malah pengen karaoke segala....untung aja...Haris yg rumahnya nun jauh di Priuk sono musti balik....(kayaknya bawa sendok emaknya tuh).....akhirnya sepakat karaoke jd agenda minggu depan....which is minggu ini...(oh my...i'm running out of...)....

Balik...lewat gatsu, nungguin Dian dapet taksi....trus ke kost-an gue.....pas masuk kamar...gue liat jam...oh noo...udah jam 11.30pm...gag berasa aja.....

choice

Semalem, gue nemenin pot rambut vicvic di salah satu tempat ngafe dijakarta (???....ada tpt pot rambutnya lageee...:p)...sambil iseng2 nunggu dia kelar....gue liat2 free magazine yg disediain ditempat itu....buka2 bentar trus gue bawa majalahnya.....tutup lagi cos kita lg muter2 mikir mo makan apa....dapet tempat, nunggu pesenan, buka2 lagi majalah itu...masih belom ngeh juga...makan....ngobrol....trus pulang ke kost....

Baca novel....trus bosen...akhirnya gue buka lagi itu free mag....guess what...untung aja gue buka2...krn ternyata isinya....oke bgt....kl menurut gue....ada suatu artikel tentang "choice"....dikupas dikit tentang dilemma yang selalu menghiasi hidup manusia.....kenapa manusia kadang begitu sulit untuk menghadapi dilemma yang ada....

Sedikit banyak, artikel itu ngebuka mata gue....kadang2 kl lagi ngadepin dilemma, yg terlihat didepan kita cuma yang jelek2nya aja....jd gag bisa mikir rasional....padahal...yg seharusnya kita lakuin....pertimbangin dulu positif negatifnya...timbang2...mana yg lebih positif...baru deh kita bisa ambil keputusan...karena kalau dibiarin berlarut2, malahan bikin kita tambah stress aja...

Btw....dimajalah itu, gue juga nemuin quotes yang oke ...
"Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved" (W.J. Bryan)...

Jad, apapun yang terjadi sama kita...in my opinion...it's our own choice...

what kind of syndrome is this????

kmrn, gue akhirnya tepar juga....setelah berminggu2 gag enak body....tetep gue paksain ngantor...jalan...keliling2....akhirnya pulang dr carita...pusing kepala gue tambah menjadi2...gue ampe bingung whut's wrong with my head anyway.....jd, kmrn gue gag masuk kantor...cause i couldn't stand it anymore....

udh nge-boat, gag bikin gue lebih baik....yg tambah bikin parah...kenapa juga pas gue sakit kepala gini, gue tiba2 juga berasa feeling blue...sedih mulu...gue gag tau emang ini gejala2 orang sakit....atau gue lg kena n*****s b********n....aduhh.....gag enak bgt....

udah gitu....the closest person i have juga gag sensitif bgt...i feel neglected...:((....i feel alone....my oh my...

numb

just like what i posted earlier this morning....
hari ini berasa gag enak bgt....it's not that i'm being moody, it's just that, i'm supposed to feel happy..but I AM NOT HAPPY AT ALL...i just got back from a short holiday on the beach with my friends yesterday...something i've been waiting for...but, the truth is...on our way home...i just felt numb...to the bone...

i had fun there...we played bodyboard...walked on the beach...took a leisurely nap on the pool side (geez, wish i could do it anytime..:p)...listened to the sound of the water....the tides....felt so great....first....but then...just numb....i just realize, something struck my mind there...that nothing lasts forever....and i'm just scared...I AM...

blueee...

...i'm feeling so blue...dunno why....

Turn down the lights

turn down the bed

turn down these voices inside my head

lay down with me

tell me no lies

just hold me close

don't patronize

don't patronize me

I can't make you love me

if you don't

you can't make your heart feel

something it won't

here in the dark

these final hours

I will lay down my heart

I feel the power

but you won't

no, you won't

And I can'tmake you love me

if you don't

I close my eyes

then I won't see

the love you don't feel

when you're holding me

morning will come

and I'll do what's right

just give me til then

to give up this fight

And I will give up this fight

Cause I can't make you love me

if you don't

you can't make your heart feel

something it won't

here in the dark

these final hours

I will lay down my heart

I feel the power

but you won't

No, you won't

and I can't make you love me

if you don't

There ain't no use in you trying

if you don't love me Baby!

ain't no use in you trying

if you don't

if you don't

if you don't

if you don't love me

there ain't nothing I can do

???

the feeling is so overwhelming...

you feel you might die drowning...

have you ever wondered...

what you might have become...

if you were born someone else????

have you ever felt so miserably failed in your life...????