It's hard to be strong, isnt it

Urgghhh....it's monday noon...raining pretty hard outside, believing that there will be floods everywhere...it's cold in here, sleepy and i have my stomach gastrich....so i'm having this real hot tea to calm my upset stomach.

It's the beginning of the 3rd week in Jan 06. I already signed for my official resignation last wednesday...after i signed the contract with my futur company. So, my last day here will be Jan 30...my oh my i cant wait. I'm planning to have some days off before i start working again on Feb 15. So basically i will have 2 weeks off then....if nothing happen...like my current spv, she wanted me to stay longer to give training to some new people here...urrhhgg...i said...we'll see....on 2nd thought too much days off will make dull anyway...but on the other hand, i could call my future employer that i could commence earlier...(she asked me to do that whenever it is possible).....lets see...

Two feelings are mixed, my excitement in having new job and lil bit nervous, undercurrent question, whether i'm gonna be able to do my job properly!!!...well...i just know that i have to work my ass off so that i could pass the 3 months prob period....and could relax afterward......and maybe, maybe those are the reasons of me having so many different dreams lately....and the recent one i had, on saturday night, i dreamt of my late mother (i have never had any since she passed away more than 2 years ago)...i remember too vividly, she hold me to sleep, something she always did whenever i got the chance to be home, i always slept with her...it was so real i could feel her next to me that i woke up to the darkness...i was very shaken...partly because i miss her so dearly...and partly because i was lil bit afraid that she is not happy there she had to come....

I told my friend bout this, gladly she told me that it isn't always bad if our deceased parent come in our dreams...sometimes it's just to show us that they will always love us no matter what...like my friend Tasia beautifully puts it " she came to your dream because she loves u very much, and wants u to know that she always supports you through the hard times in your life, eventhough she is not around anymore...always"....i cried silently hearing this...cause it's so true...no matter what i always know that she always supports....in my everyway...

Love you Mom...